My Option

Well, the semester has died down which means this blog is back from hiateus!

Anyway, today's topic is, in quote form "Never make someone a priority if they only make you a option"- Unknown

I've seen this quote a lot lately, and in the free time I've had (hooray Christmas Break!), I've had time to reflect on this quote. More specifically, I have been thinking :when are you someone's priority and when are you someone's option? Seems like a simple question, but in truth, nothing in this world is black and white; it's all shades of gray. So, in this situation, you may never be an extreme-someone's unconditional friend or trampled foe. Likely, if you are stuck in this situation with someone, they are either a friend of a friend or a sort of aquaintance.

That being said- are you a priority or an option?

Over this past semester, I did a lot of people watching. In order to assimilate, you have to know your surroundings, right? And I did notice one specific thing: a lot of people were treated like the stereotypical options.

Now don't get me wrong! Everyone is entitled to have priorities. Those people are called your inner circle of friends. You show you care for them through the little things, whether it be a random text or IM, or a little candy bag or card. The problem then becomes what does one do if one of their chosen priorities starts treating them like an option?

The initial reaction is just drop the bastard. If they don't like you, eff them- insert other self esteem cliches. But the truth is, it's not so easy. First off, what if the person who starts treating you like an option is in your group of priorities? And how does one bring it up without being awkward? Just confront them and ask what the deal is?

Ideally, yes. And by all means try it. But such confrontations do not always yeild positive results.

The person might take offense, either legitimetly because you overracted about their actions that led you to believe you were their "option", or out of guilt. It could lead to a destruction of friendship.

Or, maybe if you're lucky, you might be able to work some previous unsaid emotions out.

What I'm trying to get at is: even if you are someone's option, that is not reason to make that person feel like shit. That way, such confrontations will be obsolete. Even if someone isn't your best friend, there is some common curtosy to be had. That's the problem I see on this campus, in this generation, really: lack of common respect. If someone sends you a text, take 2.5 seconds to respond even with a "sorry no thanks." If you invite all your friends to dinner, invite that one extra person that is friends with all those people even if you aren't best friends. That one act of kindness can go a long way.

To be someone's option isn't a bad thing; it is physically impossible to be everyone's priority. Friendships start naturally and you put effort in now and then to maintain them: those are your priorities. Your options are the people you call once in awhile to grab coffee or go out with. And that's not a bad thing. It's a fact of life. But you don't need to treat your options as second class citizens. They are still human beings who deserve love and respect. So the next time that annoying friend from class calls and asks if you want to grab a snack with him, don't just ignore him. Either send a polite decline ("I can't make it, sorry") or suck it up and have a 10 minute snack. Who knows you might even have a good conversation.